It was then I felt nudged to go find the Bible I had shoved to the back of my closet. It was then that a soft whisper spoke to my heart saying, “you can follow me or continue down the same path, the choice is yours.” So there all alone I whispered to God with more honesty in my heart than any time before, God if you forgive me for all I’ve done, I’ll follow you. My mom who I had disrespected, my father who I held a grudge against, and the countless people I had cheated on and lied to. And that night sitting there all alone I began to realize how many people I hurt. I found myself 27 years old sitting on my bed sobbing. I was done with church and done with God. This became a cycle over the next 12 years and eventually I gave up on the whole God thing entirely, and shoved him to the back of mind as far as I could. But time after time again I failed to keep that promise. On many occasions throughout these years, I contemplated giving my life to God, and on a few occasions I would make it a few months, doing my best to live for Jesus, promising that if he would bail me out one more time I would promise to live for him. We would have to sit down over a cup of coffee for a few hours to tell you about all the poor decisions I’ve made. Eventually, I did finish my education, but continued to use alcohol on a daily basis. My study habits were poor and I never showed discipline as a student. My junior year of high school I dropped out.
On many occasions I would wake up forgetting how I got there or what happened the night before. By the age of 15 I was heading down a destructive path that involved abusing drugs, alcohol, and engaging in many un-pure relationships.
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